How Can I Be Down? Page 18

  I dried myself with a towel, trying to take my mind off the situation. I thought about calling Ginger, but I wasn’t sure if she and Desmon made it back from Chicago yet. The phone rang twice as we argued, but no one had answered. I checked the messages: one was from Ginger and Candi called too. Before I called Ginger back, I called Candi. The caller ID must have revealed who I was.

  “Hello, handsome,” she answered.

  “What’s up?” I said, dryly.

  “What’s wrong? You sound bothered.”

  “Nothing, really. I was just returning your call.”

  “Well, I wish you could be a bit more enthused about it.”

  I snickered. “Trust me, I am.”

  “How can I trust you when you say you’re excited and don’t sound it?”

  “Okay, so I’m not excited. I was just calling back to say hello. I’ll hit you back later.”

  “No, no, no. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. If you’d like, I can come perk you up. Mother Nature still bugging but I got other ways of making you relax.”

  “Say you do, huh?”

  “Yes, so can I come over?”

  “Are you on your way?”

  “Uh-huh. Already walking to my car.”

  “Then good-bye,” I said, hanging up.

  I quickly called Ginger back before Candi came over. She answered the phone sounding like she was out of breath.

  “Damn, did I catch you at a bad time?” I asked.

  She laughed. “Yeah, sort of. I just had to beat your son’s butt for painting my couch with fingernail polish.”

  “You shouldn’t be having that shit lying around where he can get to it.”

  “Kiley, I can’t keep everything away from him. He’s so damn curious it drives me crazy. Besides, he should know better.”

  “I know, but don’t be hitting on him. Just buy yourself a new couch. You need one anyway. Not only that, he’s only four years old. What do you expect?”

  “I know how old he is. And if you think I need a new couch, you buy me one. In the meantime, if you called here to give me a lecture about how to raise him, don’t. He’s going to be disciplined and I don’t care who likes it.”

  “All right, hot mama. I didn’t call to argue with you. I just called to see how y’all trip to Chicago went.”

  “It was cool. We stayed at my aunt’s house most of the time, and last night I went to a club with one of my cousins.”

  “You didn’t let nobody touch on your ass like you did at the club a few weeks ago, did you?”

  “No, not as long as you didn’t fuck that bitch Candi while I was gone.”

  I laughed. “And if I did?”

  “If you did you know I’m gonna hurt you, don’t you?”

  “You can’t hurt me any more than I’m already hurting.”

  “Why? What’s wrong? I thought you sounded kind of funny.”

  “Naw, I’m cool. Kareem and me just got into an argument and he left. I’m worried about him.”

  “He’ll be all right. Just pray that everything will be okay.”

  “Sure. I hope so.”

  There was a long pause before she cleared her throat then continued the conversation. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come see me. But since you’re sounding kind of blue, I guess my timing ain’t right.”

  “No, it’s not. I’ll probably get by there tomorrow. Kind of wanna chill for the night. Let me talk to Desmon, though.”

  “Sorry, but he’s in timeout right now. I’m sending him to bed in a few, and I hope he learns to get his act together.”

  “When I get there tomorrow, I’m putting you in timeout too. And don’t be so hard on him, all right? He’s just a kid.”

  “A hardheaded kid who should know better. As for your timeout, I welcome it. See you tomorrow.”

  “No doubt.”

  Ginger told me she loved me and hung up the phone. Trying not to stress myself thinking about Kareem, I went down the hallway to Quincy’s room to apologize to him for going off on him. After twenty-one years of knowing him, I’d never talked to him like that. I knocked on his door. “Quincy,” I said, yelling through the door.

  He unlocked the door and stood in the doorway with his shirt off. “What?”

  “Listen, I know you’re upset, but I’m sorry for dissing you like that. I was just pissed off with how the situation turned out, so don’t take it personal.”

  “I won’t,” he said, slamming the door in my face. It took everything I had not to put my foot on the door and kick it down, but I figured he needed more time to cool off. And after I heard the doorbell ring, I just walked away.

  I opened the door for Candi and followed up the steps behind her, checking her out as she walked directly up to my room. She took her coat off and wore nothing but navy blue silk pajamas. All I had on was my boxers, and after I took those off, we pulled the covers back and got right into bed.

  She massaged my sore muscle for a while, but when I tried to open her pajama top to suck her breasts she stopped me.

  “Roll over on your stomach,” she whispered. I did and she eased over and straddled my back. She rubbed something on her hands and started massaging my shoulders. As her hands worked down my back and she grazed my ass like she was rubbing lotion on a baby, I was in la-la land.

  “Damn, that feel good,” I moaned, closing my eyes as she pressed deeply into my back and shoulders with her hands.

  “Told you I could make you relax. Now be quiet and concentrate on sleeping. You know you need it.”

  “You’re damn right I do,” I said, already dozing off.

  I turned my head sideways on my pillow and faded. By the time I woke up it was after five o’clock in the morning. I rolled over and looked at Candi; she was cuddled up with my body pillow sound asleep. My eyes scanned her sexy body; I damn sure wanted to fuck her. But with Kareem being heavy on my mind, my thoughts quickly shifted to him. I tossed the covers back and got out of bed to see if he’d made it in. When I saw his bedroom door was open, I suspected that he hadn’t. I went upstairs to the third level to see if maybe he was chilling up there. Instead, Quincy was up there by himself, asleep on the couch.

  I tapped him, asking if Kareem had called. He shook his head and went right back to sleep. Fearing the worst, I went downstairs to the living room and sat up in the dark. I called Kareem’s cell phone several times but got no answer. Then I called the number Donovan gave me to reach him, and when some other brotha answered sounding like he was asleep, I hung up the phone.

  I thought about how angry Kareem was when he left. I hadn’t seen him cry since Daddy’s funeral, and to see him like that just tore me apart. As I thought about how I threw him on the ground, I couldn’t do nothing but get choked up. What damage had I done? I thought. And how in the hell was I going to fix it?

  When I saw Candi coming down the steps looking for me, I squeezed my eyes to hide my emotions. I called her name as she headed for the kitchen.

  “Kiley?” she said, coming into the dark living room. “Is that you?”

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Why are you sitting in the dark?” She reached for the lamp on the end table, turning it on.

  “Thinking.”

  She sat down on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. I leaned back and put my arms around her waist. “Why do you have to think in the dark?”

  I didn’t respond.

  “I think you really need to tell me what’s going on with you. I can tell you’re upset, so tell me. I’m a good listener.”

  I shrugged. “It’s really nothing. I just had a fight with Kareem last night and I’m kinda worried since I haven’t heard from him.”

  “Why you so upset about that? Siblings fight all the time. As close as you and Kareem are, everything will be okay.”

  “I know it will, but he left out going after Donovan. I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to him.”

  “Donovan? Why would he leave out go
ing after Donovan?”

  “Because we think Donovan had something to do with my father being killed in L.A. I told Kareem about it and he got angry.”

  “Why would you think Donovan had something to do with it? He was your friend, wasn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but someone who I trust with my life told me Donovan set everything up. Thing is, I just don’t have proof yet.”

  “And what if Donovan did have something to do with it? You aren’t planning on . . .”

  I moved forward and eased Candi off my lap. I stood up and took her by her hand. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. All I can say is that it won’t be pretty.” I walked up the stairs with Candi and could tell she was kind of frightened by what I said. When we got back in bed she lay on my chest and rubbed it up and down with her hands. As it was starting to feel good she stopped.

  “Kiley?” she said, looking up at me. “Would you ever really kill somebody?”

  I hesitated for a moment. “Who wouldn’t? I think when it comes to the ones you love, anybody would.”

  “So did you kill the guys who killed your father?”

  I hesitated before answering. “Let’s just say they got what they deserved.”

  “By you, Kareem, or Quincy? Who?”

  I just looked at Candi and didn’t respond. She laid her head back down on my chest and continued to rub it. “I guess that’s why you shake in your sleep like you do, huh?” she asked.

  “Shake?”

  “Yes, I touched you and stopped you from shaking several times throughout the night. Were you having a bad dream or something?”

  “I guess. I have those from time to time. That’s why I like to sleep alone.”

  “Hmm,” Candi said, continuing to rub my chest. As her hands slowed, she started to fade.

  I couldn’t go back to sleep until I knew Kareem was safe. And after ringing his phone until nine in the morning, he finally answered.

  “Why you keep calling me?” he yelled.

  “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?” I asked calmly.

  “Because I didn’t feel like it. I knew you would be up pacing the damn floors, so I wanted you to suffer thinking something happened to me. Hopefully you’ll stop keeping secrets from me and start telling the truth about shit.”

  “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how you were going to react. I promise you, if Donovan is responsible, he will suffer the consequences.”

  “I think we need to go see Rufus, personally, and find out more about the shit. I don’t want to sit around waiting on him to call us back.”

  “Rufus is the most reliable nigga I know. He’ll call back, trust me. Meanwhile, just cool out. We don’t need to be making no more unnecessary trouble for ourselves right now.”

  “I’m giving him one week to get back with us. After that, I’m sorry, I’m going to meet with Mr. Donovan to see what he has to say about it.”

  “I already talked to him. He said he had nothing to do with it. Told me I’d gotten rid of the muh-fuckers who did.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see. After all the shit that’s happened lately, I can see him saying some shit like that.”

  “Me too. But just how we planned the last one, we’re going to have to plan this one. I don’t want no fuckups.”

  “Me either. I’ll be there in a bit. After I left last night I drove around looking for that fool. Then I realized how stupid it would be for me to go out like that, so I stopped by Felicia’s house for a li’l relaxation.”

  As Kareem and me continued talking on the phone, I looked in the mirror at Candi still lying on my chest. When I moved her hair away from her face, I could see her open eyes in the mirror. I ended my conversation with Kareem and told him I would holla at him when he got home.

  She lifted her head off my chest and stared at me. “Kiley, should I be worried about you?” she asked.

  “Naw, Candi. And please don’t be afraid of me. I can tell by the look in your eyes that you are.”

  “I’m not scared. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen to me. I take care of myself very well.”

  “How can you be so sure? It really sounds like you’re playing a dangerous game.”

  “Look, don’t worry. Everything will be cool. All you need to worry about is getting rid of Mother Nature so I can get at you like I want to.”

  “Two more days. That’s all I got left. After that, I’m yours.”

  CHAPTER 14

  I was on the phone listening to Jada as she broke the bad news telling me she decided to stay in L.A. since things didn’t work out between us. Deep down, I was kind of glad. Didn’t have time for her in my life, since I was fucking Ginger whenever I wanted to and making plans to get down with Candi. She called after her period ended a few days ago but I’d gotten so messed up with Quincy and Kareem, I didn’t feel like any company. She sounded disappointed, but I wasn’t in the mood.

  “Kiley, did you hear what I just said?” Jada shouted into the phone. “I don’t have any reason to come back there, do I?”

  “As a matter of fact, you don’t. We can’t seem to get our shit together, and all this ‘fuck me, fight me’ shit is driving me crazy.”

  There was silence, then Jada spoke up again. “I agree. Our relationship has been toxic, so maybe a long break is what we need.”

  Break my ass, I thought. As far as I was concerned, this shit was over. But just to keep down the noise, I continued a cordial conversation with Jada and then wished her well.

  “If you need anything,” I said, “holla.”

  “You know I will.”

  After we ended the call, I felt closure. A real sense of relief came over me, and as I released a deep sigh, my eyes shifted to the monitor. I saw the mailman drop the mail inside the door and went downstairs to get it. There was a big brown envelope on the floor, and when I picked it up I saw that the return address showed it was from Rufus. I ran upstairs to my bedroom, dropped the rest of the mail on my bed, and opened the envelope. When I unfolded his letter, there were several pictures inside. Some showed Donovan with his arms around two of the niggas I killed in L.A. They held up peace signs. The other pictures showed them at a nightclub in L.A., clinking glasses together and laughing.

  “Damn!” I yelled out loud. “I’ll be muh-fucking damned!” I threw the pictures on the floor and plopped down on the bed. I was angry with myself for not killing that fool when I had the chance. Wouldn’t even be in this situation if I would have let him lie on the kitchen floor and bleed to death. I took a deep breath and opened Rufus’s letter to read it.

  Playa, playa, playa. Sorry it took me awhile getting back with you but I wanted to make sho when I provided you with info about Donovan it was legit. I hate to be the one to break the bad news, but Donovan was, without a doubt, the mastermind behind Papa Abrams’s death. I didn’t want to call to tell you on these fucked-up phones because I know they be listening in on our conversations, but after I doubted Ricky he mailed those pictures to me to back up his accusations. After seeing the Black Stallion in action, when he clearly said he didn’t know the fools, I’d say it’s time to shake, rattle, and roll. I wish I was there to blow his fucking brains out for ya but I’m sure you’ll have a good time doing it yourself. Thanks for the money, and since they just slammed three more years on me for being a menace to society, I’ll see you when I get out. Sorry it had to be like this for ya. I know you were hoping for a betta outcome.

  Love ya,

  Killer

  I balled up the letter and tossed it in the trashcan. I felt like somebody had stabbed a dagger in my chest. Since I promised Kareem I wouldn’t keep anything else from him, I went to his room to break the news. When I woke him up I tossed the pictures on the bed for him to see. He sat up looking at them with his mouth wide open.

  “This shit here just pisses me the fuck off!” He yanked the covers back and got out of bed. “How did you get these?”

  �
��Ricky mailed them to Rufus and he sent them to me.”

  “I knew it! I knew he was behind that shit the moment you said he might be!”

  Quincy stood in Kareem’s doorway yawning. “What’s all the yelling about?” he asked.

  Kareem gave the pictures to me and I handed them to Quincy. He looked at them and shook his head. “Man, he played all of our asses like some fools.”

  “Naw, he didn’t,” I said. “He played himself by having those damn pictures taken. I guess he thought the chance of us seeing them was slim.”

  Kareem opened his closet and pulled down a jogging suit. “It’s time to get this show on the road. Tonight.” He looked at me with his face scrunched up. “I’m not waiting a moment longer, Kiley.”

  “I told you, all I needed was confirmation, and since I got it, I say let’s roll.”

  “Don’t leave me out,” Quincy said. “I can’t wait to hear what that fool got to say.”

  We made plans to leave the house around ten o’clock. Feeling a slight bit nervous, I called Ginger and told her I was on my way to see Desmon. On the drive to her house, Candi called and said she wanted to come see me.

  “Not tonight, baby. We’ll have to make plans some other time.”

  “Kiley, you promised. I knew you were going to put me off.”

  “Look,” I said, loudly. “I’m not doing it intentionally. I got some business I need to tend to.”

  “I don’t like the way you’re sounding, Kiley. You’re not about to get yourself into any trouble, are you?”

  “Candi, stop asking questions. I know you’re worried but this has nothing to do with Donovan. Besides, you and me will have our time together. Just not today.”

  “But—”

  I wasn’t in the mood to explain myself so I just hung up on her.

  Desmon was in his room playing with the train set I bought him a few weeks ago. Worried, I didn’t leave his side. Ginger came in a few times and talked to us, but since I finally opened up and told her what was going down tonight she left us alone.