How Can I Be Down? Read online

  “And you won’t. Not only that, Donovan had no business running his mouth telling you shit like that.”

  “Don’t go getting all defensive. He really didn’t tell me much. And really, it isn’t any of my business.”

  “No, it’s not, but we don’t deal like that anymore. That’s a thing of the past.”

  “Well, if it’s not asking too much, how do y’all make a living when nobody in the house works?”

  “We just do.”

  Candi raised her brows. “Okay, I see how we’re going to play this. I open up to you and you tell me nothing about you, right? Besides, I see you getting all uptight so—”

  “I’m not getting uptight. I just don’t know you, Candi. I have no idea how you and Donovan met and there ain’t too many people I trust.”

  “Donovan and me met at Taco Bell on Delmar. I was standing in line fussing at a man in front of me who was taking all day ordering and Donovan intervened. Actually, took up for me when the man called me a stupid bitch.”

  “So, why aren’t you with Donovan now? I know I didn’t have that much of an impact on you.”

  She laughed. “Really, you did. It was just something about you, Kiley; I just couldn’t figure out what it was. The first night I saw you in bed with Jada, you remember that night?”

  “Yeah, the night she smacked me for looking at you.”

  “Yes, that night. I was immediately attracted to you.”

  “So, what was it? My looks, or the fact you could tell I was naked underneath the covers?” I laughed.

  “That was part of it, but it was by the way you spoke. You spoke with confidence, with pride. Instantly turned me on.”

  “Turned you on so well you went right in the other room and fucked Donovan’s brains out, huh?”

  Candi rolled over on her back and looked up at the ceiling. “I was faking. Dick wasn’t really that good. I was hoping that you would hear me and eventually come rescue me from his non-lovemaking ass.”

  “You didn’t really expect me to bust in the room and take over, did you?”

  “Nope. But I was seriously hoping that you would.”

  “That’s funny because I was in my room wishing I was Donovan after I heard you moaning and groaning. If you were faking, you need to be starring in movies.”

  “Well, sign me up. My moans were as fake as a three dollar bill. Donovan got it going on body wise, but he is most certainly a disappointment for a sista who was definitely looking forward to him setting her out.”

  “Damn, that’s not the first time I heard that. I’m just glad I don’t have a reputation like that.”

  “I don’t know if you do or don’t, but I like how you’re in control of yourself. Not only that, I love a man who seems to be in control of his surroundings.”

  “I’m glad it appears that way,” I said, getting up off the floor with the drink in my hand. “Believe it or not, I’m not always in control. I would like to be, but that don’t always happen.”

  “Well, you put up a good front,” Candi said, standing, then bending down to pick the game pieces up off the floor.

  “I gotta put up a front. It wouldn’t be any fun if you could actually read me and tell what I was thinking.”

  “Oh, I can read you well, Kiley,” she said, standing up again and switching the game pieces from one hand to the other. “So well that I can tell what you’re thinking right now.”

  I smiled, went up to her and put my arms around her waist. “And what am I thinking about now, Candi?”

  “You’re thinking about how you’re ready to get out of here since you can’t have no loving tonight. You’re thinking about what if your baby’s mama knew you were over here spending all this quality time with another woman tonight. And, I’ll just bet, you’ve thought about Jada tonight.”

  “One out of the three ain’t bad. But you got some work to do trying to figure me out.” I took my hands from around Candi and opened up the closet to get my coat. “I had a nice time tonight, Candi. I’ll give you a holla sometime this week.” I leaned down, gave her a kiss, then left.

  Candi was so wrong trying to figure me out. And no matter how hard I tried to enjoy myself by chilling with her, I really couldn’t stop thinking about what Rufus told me. It had been on my mind all damn week, and since I hadn’t heard back from him yet, I was starting to think I was wasting my damn time thinking about it.

  The house was empty when I got there. Kareem and Quincy must have stayed with their ladies for the night, so I chilled all by myself. I went upstairs to the entertainment room, smoked another blunt, and just as I started to doze off on the couch, the phone rang at two o’clock in the morning and alarmed me.

  “Hello,” I said softly.

  “Hi,” Jada said.

  I slowly sat up. “What’s up?” I asked.

  “You.”

  “Naw, couldn’t be me. If it were me, you wouldn’t be trippin’ like you do.”

  “I know, but, I just wasn’t prepared for you to tell me I couldn’t move back into the house. And now that you’ve had over a month to think about it, does your decision still stand?”

  “I’m afraid so, Jada. I miss the hell out of you, but this ain’t going to work out between us.”

  “Okay, so let’s say I don’t move back in. Will you at least be willing to come visit me sometime?”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m in L.A. with my aunt right now, but a job opportunity came through for me in St. Louis. I’ll be moving back there in a few weeks. The only thing I’m waiting for is to hear from a rental office about this apartment I had a friend of mine cosign for. As soon as they give her the go-ahead, I’ll be back.”

  “Sounds like a plan, but honestly, I can’t make you any promises. I got some other shit on my mind right now and any other distractions from the outside might fuck things up for me.”

  “I understand. I’ll call you in a few days and let you know how things go. Please don’t give up on us yet, okay?”

  “Yeah, Jada. Call me when you get settled.”

  “I will. And, baby?”

  “What?”

  She paused. “I love you.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You can’t tell me you love me back?”

  “Jada, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Just call me in a few days, all right?”

  “Sure,” she said, hanging up with attitude since things didn’t go according to her plan.

  Here I go again, I thought. Everything with the ladies was going smooth, and then she calls. There was no way I was going to let this be a setback for me. No way in hell. Jada was just going to have to move on without me. And me the same.

  By morning, I was in the kitchen when Quincy came through the back door high as hell.

  “Man, is that all you do around Veronica is get high? She really seems like a nice gal and don’t seem like the type who would be interested in a dopehead.”

  Quincy ignored me, pulled out a container of orange juice from the refrigerator, and stood there gulping it down. After he finished, he pulled up a stool and put it in front of the counter next to me. “If you must know, Dr. Phil, I don’t usually get high around Veronica. After I dropped her off last night, I went over Kim’s house because she’s my getting high, ‘smack it up, rub it down’ buddy. Veronica and me don’t go out like that.”

  Since he was breathing all over my food, I took my plate over to the kitchen table and sat down. “Do you even like Veronica? I mean, you tell me she’s cool but then she’s always in your company.”

  “She is cool. Cool as a fan, but since she ain’t really that spectacular in bed I have to make other arrangements. For a sista, she kinda on the stiff side. When I try to adventure and do wild shit with her, she be acting funny. Act like it’s too nasty for her. Other than that, she’s definitely a good listener, she can cook her ass off, and she knows how to cater to me when I’m at her place.”

  “Yeah, a bad sex partner can fasho turn you off.
Trust me, though, I didn’t mean to pry. I was just wondering.”

  “You ain’t prying. Feel free to ask me anything. You’re the one who always keeping secrets and shit. Kareem and me were talking about your secretive ass the other night.”

  I laughed. “Do I act like my shit is that private?”

  “Act? It ain’t no act. That’s just you.”

  “You know where it comes from. I can’t open up to everybody like you brothas do. Never know who the fuck I’m running my mouth to.”

  “You can usually tell who can or can’t be trusted.”

  “And how’s that?”

  “You get this feeling inside when the ones you can’t trust are around,” Quincy said, holding his stomach. “It’s a funny feeling that makes you feel all queasy and shit.”

  “Sounds like gas to me.”

  “Exactly. And that’s what it feels like. Makes you feel like you just want to go shit on yourself or something.”

  “Let me end this conversation. No need for me to be sitting here talking to a man who ain’t even in his right mind.”

  “Naw, straight up. I’m serious.”

  “Well, why didn’t you get these feelings when Donovan was around? I had a feeling, but it was nothing like what you mentioned.”

  “If you think about it, he didn’t snake me, he snaked you. Therefore, I wouldn’t have had those feelings. But as soon as that fool stepped in here with Marcus, my stomach was rumbling like a muh-fucker.”

  “Mine wasn’t rumbling, but I did have a funny feeling inside.”

  “Our feelings might be different, but that’s what I mean when I say something inside just don’t feel right. Like with the ladies, you said yourself you felt something wasn’t right with Jada. And you were right. Now, you’re saying the same thing about Candi.”

  “Yeah, but I think it’s just the fact she’s been with Donovan that bothers me.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. All I can say is, observe, my brotha. Observing a woman will tell you things about her she might not even know about herself.”

  “Trust me, I do. All the time. Sometimes I think I’m too observant. They start complaining, talking about how nosy I am.”

  “You are nosy. Always up in a brotha’s business, but it’s cool. Kareem and me know you just be trying to have our backs.” Quincy gulped down some more orange juice then looked at me. “Remember, though, we got yours too.”

  “You don’t even have to tell me. I know y’all do. That’s why I need to tell you something. I’m not going to tell Kareem because I don’t think he’ll be able to handle it just yet.”

  Quincy looked puzzled. “Tell me what? What is it?”

  I hesitated, then spoke. “I . . . I think I’m going to have to make plans to get rid of Donovan.”

  Quincy scratched his head. “Why is that?”

  “There are a few reasons. First, in my heart I truly believe the incident with Marcus is going to come back and haunt us. Second, I really feel like he’s plotting against us with his new boys. And mainly, Rufus called and said he’d heard it through the grapevine that Donovan had something to do with Papa Abrams’s death.”

  Quincy cocked his head back. “Are you serious? Now, give or take, I’ve been feeling the same shit about them retaliating, but do you really think Donovan had something to do with Papa’s death? You know everybody in the hood loved him like he was they daddy.”

  “If that was the case, then he wouldn’t have been killed. I know everybody was pretending to love him. You of all people know how some niggas are. Be hating like a muh-fucker, laughing in your face one minute and plotting behind your back the next. Keeping that in mind, I’m doing everything in my power to find out the truth. My gut instincts tell me he did. I just want to be sure before I do anything.”

  Quincy took a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right; but we need to tell Kareem. I don’t think it’s right to keep something like this from him. I know he’s going to want to go handle it his way, but once we talk some sense into him, he’ll chill.”

  “Quincy, I’m telling you he won’t. I know him and I’m not going to take the risk of him leaving this house going over there getting all shot up ’cause I fed him the wrong information.”

  “Kiley, he’s going to be more upset with you if you don’t tell him. I’m a bit upset myself right now since you’re just now telling me. We’re supposed to be in this together. All this confidential bullshit with you is starting to drive me crazy.”

  I chewed on my food and thought about it for a while. After Quincy convinced me, I went against my gut and agreed to tell Kareem as soon as he got home.

  Quincy and me were upstairs playing cards when Kareem came home with the chick he had over the other night and her friend, Stephanie, who I vaguely remembered fucking. She’d called me several times to talk but I played her off and told her I’d call her back. Before they could remove their coats, I quickly hopped up and pulled Kareem to the side. “Say, would you mind asking them to come back some other time? I need to get at you about something personal.”

  He pulled his coat off and laid it on one of the barstools. “Damn, can’t it wait?” he whispered. “I told them they could chill with us for the night.”

  “No, it can’t. They can come back tomorrow. Besides, I ain’t in the mood to be entertaining.”

  “Shit, you ain’t never in the mood to be entertaining. You the most wishy-washy-ass nigga I know,” he said, walking away. He whispered something to the ladies and they got up and left. After he walked them to the door, he jogged back up the steps, picked up a cigarette, and lit it. “This better be awfully damn important,” he said, sitting down at the card table with Quincy and me.

  I looked at Quincy. He could tell how hesitant I was, so he started talking to Kareem.

  “Don’t you get tired of fucking, playa?” Quincy said, playfully hitting him on his arm.

  “Never. And since you cock-sucking fools interrupted my booty, this better be good, so shoot.”

  “All right,” I said, clenching my hands together. “Here’s the deal. But you gotta promise me you won’t go jumping the gun, Kareem.”

  “Nigga, come on with it,” he said, blowing the smoke out of his mouth. “You and Quincy sitting up here fucking around and I got bigger and better things to do.”

  Quincy looked at Kareem. “Rufus told Kiley rumor had it that Donovan had your pops set up. He ain’t sure, but—”

  Kareem’s mouth dropped. “You playing, right?” he said, staring at Quincy. Right then, the phone rang, but we all ignored it.

  “Naw, man,” I said. “He ain’t playing. Before I do anything, I’m waiting to hear from Rufus so he can confirm it for me.”

  “Confirmation!” he yelled, then quickly stood up. “You waiting on some goddamn confirmation!”

  I stood up. “Kareem, calm down. If it’s not true, I don’t want to jeopardize—”

  “Nigga, who in the hell are you to decide if the shit is true or not? You know wouldn’t no shit be floating around like that if it wasn’t true. You sit your pussy ass over there if you want to. I’m going to go do away with this son of a bitch myself!” Kareem hurried over to get his coat, then pulled his gun out to make sure it was loaded.

  I cut my eyes at Quincy; after all, it was his idea to tell Kareem. We both tried to stop Kareem from leaving.

  “Get your goddamn hands off me, partna!” he yelled, aiming the gun at Quincy. “Touch me again, fool, and I’ll kill you.”

  Quincy backed away as he saw fire burning in Kareem’s eyes.

  “Kareem!” I yelled. “Calm the fuck down. I promise you we gon’ take care of this shit. You know we will. Don’t be trippin’ like that.”

  “Take care of it, huh?” He aimed the gun at me. It trembled in his hand, and when the phone rang again, he quickly snapped his head to the side. He bit into his lip then turned to me again. “How long have you known about this shit, Kiley, huh? Just how goddamn long have you kept this shit from me?”

&n
bsp; “Not long. I swear to you, not long.”

  “What’s not long? Two days, three days, what?”

  “A little over a week. I’m giving Rufus time to see what he can come up with for me.”

  “Time!” he yelled shaking his head. A tear rolled down his face. “We talking about our damn father, Kiley. Not some chickenhead nigga in the streets. This muh-fucker played us, man. Lived off our shit for years and you can sit there and wait?” He stuck his gun inside his pants and started running down the steps. Quincy and me ran after him and as he opened the back door, I grabbed him by the back of his coat.

  “Sit your ass down!” I yelled.

  He gathered up some spit in his mouth and shot it directly in my face. “Fuck you, man!” he yelled. “I loved my father; I don’t know about you!” He took his fist and punched me hard on my face. As my jaw burned, I slung him by his coat and threw his ass into the stove. He fell hard on the floor and when I lifted my foot up to karate kick him in the chest, he took his foot and kicked me right in my damn balls. I grabbed my goods and fell to the floor. Quincy was yelling something but I wasn’t even trying to hear him. I felt as if my balls were bleeding, and by the time I looked up, Kareem had gotten up and run out the back door.

  I limped up the steps to the bathroom to check my dick. Quincy followed behind me apologizing for suggesting that I tell Kareem. “Get the fuck out my face,” I spat. “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to your high ass.”

  I headed back up the steps. When we reached the top, Quincy went down the hall to his room and slammed the door. And I went into my room and did the same. After I lay back on the bed, massaging my package, I got up and ran some bath water to relax.

  While I was in the tub I could only hope that Kareem wouldn’t get himself into any trouble. I wasn’t too worried, because he hadn’t a clue where Donovan lived. I was sure he was on his way to Tricia’s place looking for him, and hoped she wouldn’t tell Kareem where to find him out of anger. But the more I thought about it, I got severely worried. Kareem always had a way of finding out shit when he wanted to, and if it meant pulling the gun out on Tricia to find out Donovan’s whereabouts, I knew he would.