How Can I Be Down? Read online

  Donovan grabbed his thang. “Suck on this, Kiley. Jada, if you must know, I was talking about the thought of oral sex. Just can’t see myself indulging.”

  “Oh, that. Well, I knew you wasn’t gay, especially since your bedroom is closest to Kiley and mine and I can hear what be going on. But that’s your preference. If oral sex doesn’t suit you then, hey, don’t do it. But, it would be a shame to let all that dark Hershey’s chocolate go to waste like that.” She looked at me and smiled.

  I was slightly bothered that she was giving Donovan some props, but I didn’t trip.

  “But, Jada,” Quincy said, “it helps the relationship, don’t it? Don’t lie. Tell Donovan how he be missing out.”

  Jada looked at me and I smiled back at her. She took her hands and rubbed them across my head. “You know, Quincy, some things should just be left well enough alone, especially if you don’t know how to perform orally, but at least Kiley tries.”

  Everybody burst out in laughter.

  “What?” I yelled. “What do you mean, I try?”

  “I mean you shouldn’t be down here talking about our sex life to begin with. So, next time, I’ll try not to tell it like it is.” She hopped up and ran out of the kitchen.

  “Whew. That was deep, big brotha,” Kareem said, standing up and patting me on the back. “Kinda disappointed in you. I fasho thought you had it in you, but you can best be sure that if you don’t, I do for the both of us.”

  “I’m sure you do, Kareem. There’s no doubt in my mind that you do. Thing is, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, especially if it comes from a woman. ”

  As we munched down on breakfast, I couldn’t help but think about what Jada said and rushed myself so I could go upstairs to check her for dissing me in front of the boys. If she wasn’t satisfied, I was sure that some of the other females I used to mess with were. I kept my sex life on the down low with the fellas, ’cause, honestly, it wasn’t really none of their business how I performed. I was sure they all wondered how good Jada was in bed but I never shared it with them because that would be disrespecting her. Not only that, if I did tell them how good it was, I didn’t want them to try it out for themselves. Then again, she really wasn’t any of their type of woman. She had long, thick sandy-brown hair that she always kept tightened up in a ponytail. She was also a bit on the thick side. She reminded me so much of Mama when I met her I couldn’t resist wanting her in my life. The fellas were all into small waistlines, firm breasts, and big asses but I was more into a woman’s heart. And since Jada’s heart was with me, mine was definitely with her. Now, I had my share of small waistlines, firm breasts, and big butts too, but after sex, I was still missing something. Something that none of these brothas seemed to care about: love. Eventually, that’s what strengthened me and got me on the right track. At times, just Jada’s comforting arms holding me in the middle of the night, when I fear for the worst, means more to me than anything.

  After finishing up my pancakes, I excused myself from a conversation of money, sex, women, and lies. I went upstairs to my bedroom, and Jada was resting across the bed sideways looking at a magazine. I opened my robe and laid my body on top of hers. She’d just gotten out of the shower and smelled like a breath of fresh air. She closed the magazine and forced me off her by pushing me back with her ass.

  “Don’t be trying to butter me up, Kiley.”

  I stood up. “What’s with the attitude, Jada? You’ve been moody all damn morning.”

  “No, I haven’t. My mood didn’t change until you lied to me about Donovan. The question was simple. All you had to say was he didn’t like oral sex. If you lie about that, ain’t no telling what else you’d lie about.”

  I went over to the closet and pulled out my powder blue and black sweater and knitted hat to match. Then picked my black Levi’s up off the chair. I slid off my robe and started changing clothes.

  Jada sat up on the bed. “Where are you going? And I was talking to you, you know?”

  “I know. But you wanna argue this morning and I don’t feel like it right now. So, conversation over and I’ll see you when I get back.” I pulled my hat down, took my gun out from underneath my pillow, and slid it down the right side of my jeans. I turned on my cell phone and clipped it to my jeans. I looked at Jada. “If you need me, call me.”

  She got off the bed and stood in front of the door folding her arms. “I asked you where you were going.”

  I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, then moved her over to the side. “And I said, if you need me, call me.” I walked out.

  I met Donovan on the staircase and he said he was headed upstairs to clean up the entertainment room and then was going to work off breakfast by lifting weights in his room. I told him I’d be back later and thanked him for not making a big deal about our dispute earlier. When I got downstairs, Quincy and Kareem were still at the kitchen table eating.

  “Say, big brother,” Kareem said, “where ya headed looking all spiffy and shit?”

  “Out. I’ll be back later. If anybody needs me, call me. Deuces.” I closed the back door and left.

  I opened up the garage door and backed out my pearly white Lexus with gold trimmings. Wasn’t as flashy as I wanted, but it was nice. I was trying to be as low-key as possible, so Jada and me both drove the Lexus. Kareem and Quincy shared a black BMW but had two Harleys locked up in the basement. Donovan’s Lincoln Navigator was always the only car parked in front of the house. The less attention the better. Flashy jewelry, flashy cars, and money fronting wasn’t the name of our game.

  I was on my way to East St. Louis to see my son. When I moved to St. Louis five years ago, the fellas and me went to this club on the east side, Club Illusion. With Jada taking forever to decide if she wanted to move here with me or not, I met a chick named Ginger Nelson that night. She took me to her place and one thing led to another. I knocked her off a few times after that, but when Jada moved here, I called it quits with Ginger. Next thing I knew, she was blowing my phone up telling me she was pregnant. I was trying to be there for her during the pregnancy as much as I could, but I didn’t want Jada finding out about the baby and leaving me. As a matter of fact, nobody knew about Desmon. Not even Kareem. I told Ginger when the time was right, I’d let it be known that I had a son. It’s not like we still kicked it anyway, but lately she’d been putting me to the test. It might have had something to do with this knucklehead married fool she was messing with who recently dumped her, but that’s what she get for playing a fool. All of a sudden she’s so interested in working things out with me. I hadn’t been with her sexually since Jada moved here, but I promised Ginger money to take care of my son and time I was able to spend with him, but that’s it. She wasn’t too happy with it, but ain’t much she could do.

  I pulled into Ginger’s raggedy-ass apartment complex a little after one in the afternoon. You’d think with all the money I was dishing out for Desmon she’d save it and move somewhere decent. I guess I couldn’t complain because the inside looked a lot better than it did when I first met her. She at least had sense enough to jazz Desmon’s bedroom up like a four-year-old kid’s bedroom should look.

  I rang the doorbell and waited for her to answer. I could hear Desmon crying, so I banged on the door. She opened it with a cordless phone pushed up to her ear and walked away from the door when I stepped inside. Desmon was trying to stick a DVD in the DVD player and was upset because it wouldn’t go in right. I put the DVD in, sat down on the floor next to him, and started to watch Lilo & Stitch, his favorite movie we’d seen at least ten times before. Ginger walked into the other room, whispering on the phone, then came back in the living room puffing on a cigarette. She sat down on the couch behind us and started running her mouth.

  “I wish you would call sometimes before coming over here.” She waited for me to respond but I ignored her. “Kiley?” she yelled. “Did you hear what I said?”

  “Yeah, I heard you, Ginger. But call for what, when I got business over her
e anyway?”

  “For what? What if I have company or something? I don’t want you just showing up making shit difficult for me.”

  I turned around and looked at her sitting on the couch. “I don’t give a shit about you having company. All I’m here to do is see my son. If one of your immature-ass boyfriends can’t understand that, then that’s too bad.”

  “I know you ain’t calling nobody immature. Your ass—”

  “Hey! Don’t disrespect me in front of my son. I’m not in the mood today, Ginger. Why don’t you go clean up or something? Place could really stand a good cleaning, instead of you running your mouth on the phone all the time.” I turned back around.

  Ginger came over by the TV and put her cigarette out in the ashtray on top of it. She blew smoke in my face and stepped over Desmon and me sitting on the floor. I wanted to get up and fuck her up but I had already been there too many times before. She was the kind of woman who liked a beat down. Didn’t feel appreciated unless a muh-fucker was busting her upside her head. The last time we got into it, I damn near choked the breath out of her, so now, I did whatever I could to keep the peace. And the best way I knew how was to ignore her.

  An hour and a half later, the movie was over. I picked Desmon up off the floor and laid him down on my chest as we rested on the couch. He had fallen asleep and gotten bored with watching the movie; so did I. Ginger tapped me on the shoulder and woke me up asking me to watch Desmon until she came back. I looked at my watch and since it was only five-thirty, I told her I didn’t mind.

  Wherever she was going, she looked kinda nice. Had her long, curly braids in a clip and they dangled down her back. The hipster jeans she had on gripped her shapely ass nicely. And her aqua blue stretched shirt was showing her caramel brown shoulders and reflected the hardness in her nipples. Ginger was nice looking, but her attitude and outlook on life was definitely another thing that fucked up our relationship. She stood there for a second, I guess wanting me to ask where she was going, but it seriously wasn’t any of my business. After she realized I wasn’t going to ask, she snatched her purse off the table and left. I picked Desmon up and carried him into his room, then lay back on the couch with my hand behind my head and one foot resting on the floor. I flipped through the channels and tried to find something entertaining. When my phone vibrated, I looked at the number and the call was coming from my house. Knowing that it was Jada by the code she put in, I didn’t answer.

  I found a college football game on the tube and started to watch it. Awhile later, the front door squeaked open and it was Ginger coming back through the door.

  “Did you forget something?” I asked, looking up at her.

  She laid her purse on the table and sat down at the end of the couch. “No, I didn’t forget anything. I was on my way to Leslie’s house to play cards but I needed to ask you something.”

  “What?” My phone vibrated again and I raised my head to look at it only to see Jada’s code again. I ignored it and looked at Ginger. “What did you need to ask me?”

  “Why don’t you care about me at all? I know we’ve had our differences, but as much as we do, I still care about you.”

  I took the pillow from behind my head and sat up straight, laying the pillow across my lap. “I do care about you, Ginger. Maybe not how you want me to, but I do.”

  “Then why don’t you say much to me when you come over here? Why don’t you call sometimes just to see how I’m doing? I’m not knocking you for being there for your son, but I could use a little attention too, you know?”

  “If attention is what you need, Ginger, I can’t give it to you. I can be your friend, but that’s it. I’m sure there are plenty of fellas out there who would love to be with you on that level. If you wouldn’t have tied up so many years messing with somebody else’s man, maybe you would have found the right one by now.”

  She looked at me and rolled her big, round eyes. “But I don’t want just anybody. I kinda enjoyed being with you, until Jada came here. The only reason I started seeing Clyde was because you wasn’t available. I just don’t understand how easy it was for you to let this go. I mean, you really seemed to enjoy having sex with me.”

  “I did. But I also told you how important Jada is to me. Not to hurt your feelings or anything but not too many women come like she does these days.”

  “I guess not,” she said, standing up.

  She walked back toward the kitchen and when my phone vibrated again, I didn’t even look at it. I went into Desmon’s room and kissed him on the cheek. I pulled the covers up over him and looked for Ginger to tell her I was getting ready to go. She was sitting on her bed, pulling her shoes off.

  “Say, I’ll see you next weekend. And don’t expect me to call, because I won’t.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She tossed her shoes in the corner. “Just don’t expect us to be here all the time when you stop by.”

  “I’ll take my chances,” I said, winking and turning to leave.

  “Kiley?” Ginger said, quickly standing up. “Do you have some money? Desmon need some more tennis shoes.”

  I reached in my back pocket and pulled out my wallet. I fumbled through several hundred-dollar bills and pulled out three of them. I laid them down on her dresser. “I gave you money last weekend for tennis shoes, remember? Make sure he gets them this time.”

  She walked over to the dresser to see how much it was. After she saw that it was more than enough, she picked the money up and slid it into her back pocket.

  “Now, that takes care of Desmon, but what about me?” She pulled her shirt over her head, then she unzipped her jeans and eased them to the floor.

  I stood in the doorway and looked at her eye to eye like I didn’t notice her bare well-shaped breasts and lace navy blue panties that only covered a small portion of her coochie. My thang was on the rise but I wasn’t trying to go there with Ginger. Knowing that she had a slight bit of my attention, she reached her hand up behind my head, pulling it down toward hers so she could kiss me on the lips. The immediate touch of them, and her bare breasts pressing up against my sweater, weakened me. I removed my hat and laid it down on the dresser; then I pulled the gun out from inside my jeans and put it on the dresser as well. As I raised my shirt over my head, Ginger started to undo my pants. I eased my hand down inside the front side of her panties, and as soon as I started to massage her, my phone vibrated again. I took a deep breath and stepped backward.

  “Listen, I gotta go. Something’s up, so I’ll holler at you next weekend.” I put my shirt back on, and picked my gun and hat up off the dresser.

  Ginger rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. “Don’t make me wait all week for you, Kiley. Call me or something, okay?”

  I nodded my head and gazed at her as she walked me to the door in her panties.

  As soon as I got in the car, I called Jada to see why she was ringing me like crazy. When she answered, cursing me out for not returning her phone calls, I immediately hung up. When she called back and I didn’t answer, she left a message telling me that Kareem and Quincy had gotten into a fight and wanted me to come settle shit down. Pissed, I hurried home.

  I drove quickly down State Street, trying to make my way to the highway, when somebody slammed into the back of my car at the stoplight. When I got ready to get out, I could feel what was about to go down. These two punk young muh-fuckers, looking like they weren’t no older than fifteen, were trying to jack me for my shit. One of them came toward me with a gun in his hand as my leg was hanging out of the car, and the other went to the passenger side of my car. I raised my hands in the air and stepped out of the car, pretending to be cooperative.

  “Move away from the car, nigga,” the first one said, aiming the gun at my chest. Burning up inside, I eased away from the car with my hands in the air. The other one hopped in on the passenger side. The fool with the gun stepped into my side of the car and left his leg hanging out for a second. I kicked the door with my foot and tried to break his damn leg off as I reac
hed for my gun. He fired at me but his aim was completely off. I hopped on top of him in the car, took his gun, and used it to beat his face. As blood gushed from his lips, the other stupid muh-fucker had hopped out and started running. I fired a few shots at him, trying to miss but definitely wanted to scare him. The other nigga sat up and choked on his blood. He begged for his life, but I pulled him out of the car, punched him in the stomach, and shoved him to the ground.

  I aimed the gun at his chest. “You pitiful-ass fool!” I yelled. “Get a job and get your own shit, nigga. Today is your lucky day, so take your ass home and thank God for your life.” I punted his ass in the side like I was kicking a football, and quickly got back into my car before somebody called the cops.

  By the time I pulled in the garage at home, I was fuming. I walked through the back door, and when I passed by the living room to head upstairs, I could see Quincy sitting in the dark on the couch. I turned the lights on and when I looked at him I noticed a cut above his lip and dried blood on a cut above his eyelid.

  I sat down in a chair next to the couch, with a twisted face that showed frustrations. “What the hell happened?” I asked.

  He shook his head and shamefully gazed down at the ground.

  My voice rose. “Go ahead, tell me. Don’t be acting like no bitch, man, just tell me what happened.”

  “Bro, Kareem be trippin. I know he your brother and everythang but that fool got some issues.”

  “So, that’s not telling me nothing I don’t already know. What the fuck happened here today between y’all?”

  Quincy pulled his bandana off his head and rubbed his hair back with his fingers. I could see that his knuckles were bruised. “Well, last night, I met this gal at a club. Afterward, Kareem and me took her home and boned her and her friend. So, today, I get a phone call, right? It’s the friend, wanting to get with me. I told her to come on by and to holla at Kareem when she got here. He got upset with me thinking I wanted the bitch. When she came, he started frontin’, acting a fool. Dissing me in front of her like I’m some punk or something, so I popped the muh-fucker in his mouth. We scrapped for a while and then he went into his room with her.”