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I took another deep breath to calm myself. I’d been overreacting to a lot of things lately, but that was to be expected. I turned to Roc and zoned in on his straight pearly whites.

  “Look,” I said with frustration in my eyes. “All I want is my car washed. Is that asking too much? I’m on my lunch break and I have thirty-five minutes left.”

  Roc backed away from the door. “Come on, get out of the car. Leave it runnin’ and I’ll personally take care of you.”

  That was music to my ears, so I got out and let Roc get in.

  “No offense,” I said. “But your jumpsuit is kind of dirty. My seats are off-white and I’d hate for them to get any dirtier.”

  Roc pointed to his chest. “I thought that’s why you were here? Ain’t it my job to clean the outside and inside of yo’ car?”

  “True. But you have grease on your jumpsuit. Right at your midsection.”

  Roc looked down, but it wasn’t at his midsection. “Thanks for noticin’,” he said and winked.

  He got out of my car, standing tall in front of me. He reached for his zipper and our eyes were in a deadlock as he slid the zipper down, past the hump I’d already noticed in his pants. I felt so ashamed for getting myself worked up over a young man like him, but his sexiness was hard to ignore. He kicked off his black rubber steel-toed-boots and the jumpsuit came off next. Underneath he sported a white wife beater and jeans that hung low on his nicely-cut midsection. His arms were toned to perfection and he had tattoos on both of them. Still, his arms looked smooth as a baby’s bottom, and how dare me stand there, gawking at him as if I hadn’t eaten anything chocolate all day.

  “I—if you don’t mind, I’m going inside to suck up the air conditioner. Please come get me when you’re finished.”

  Roc nodded and I made my way back inside, swaying my noticeable hips from side to side. I got a few whistles, and even though they were from Bud, I didn’t seem to mind.

  As Roc detailed the heck out of my car, I watched his every move through the window. His body was now dripping with beads of sweat and the thoughts in my head had gotten downright nasty. I visualized my light-skinned legs resting comfortably on his shoulders as he pumped hard inside of me. I gave him head while he tongue tortured my tunnel in a 69 position. Even Reggie couldn’t do it like that. I smiled . . . Roc smiled. I assumed he liked it rough, but then again, his voice had a romantic pitch to it. Yeah, he was a thug, but . . . How old was he? I thought about his age while biting my already chipped nail, trying to take back my outrageous thoughts. He had to be at least the same age as my son, Latrel, or maybe a tad bit older. I couldn’t quite understand my immediate attraction to him, but maybe it was due to me feeling so alone. I chalked it up as him being a cute young man who was probably dating several attractive young women. Like the one with the petite figure who stood close by as he wiped my windshield. She wasn’t giving him much breathing room, and by the evil stares she gave him, I could tell there was involvement. No doubt the competition looked steep, and if he was interested in women that small, I was way out of his league.

  Roc tucked the dry washrag into his front pocket and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. I saw him hand over several bills, and afterward the young woman walked away. She sped off and he looked inside, focusing his eyes in my direction. I grinned, while taking a glance at my watch. Time was not on my side, so I left the building and walked over to my car.

  “I’m just ’bout finished,” Roc said, turning the rag in circles on my windshield. “Feel free to inspect it.”

  I walked around my car, silently admitting that he had done a pretty good job. When I noticed a tiny speck of dried water on the trunk, I called him out on it.

  “Ooops,” I said. “You forgot something.”

  He turned his attention to the trunk and looked at the dry water speck. “Are you serious?” He smiled, rubbing the tiny spot with a towel. “If you look hard enough, you might find more of those.”

  “I hope not. Besides, how much is this going to cost me? If there are spots on my car, then maybe you should consider offering me a discount.”

  He faced me and leaned his backside against the trunk. His arms were folded in front of him and bulging muscles were clearly on display.

  “I usually don’t offer peeps discounts, especially if the Roc personally takes care of them. But in this case, I got a better idea.”

  My hand went up to my hip as I felt the bullshit about to go down. “I’m almost afraid to ask about your idea.”

  “It’s simple. What’s yo’ name?”

  “Desa Rae. Why?”

  “Dez, let me get yo’ sevens so I can call you up and take you to dinner. How ’bout that?”

  My eyes lowered to the ground, then connected with his. “Just for the hell of it, Roc, how old are you?”

  Not holding back, he came out with it. In slow motion, I watched his thick lips spit out the number, “Twenty-four.”

  “How old are you?” he asked.

  He was only five years older than my son! There was no way I could go there. “You know what . . . my age doesn’t even matter. How much do I owe you?” I opened my purse, reaching for my wallet.

  “The wash was on me. Now, to be fair, can you answer my question or did you just realize that this young man may be too much for you to handle?”

  I tossed my hair to the side with my fingers and hurried to wrap up this conversation that was going nowhere. “I’m forty, Roc. Thanks for the free wash and you’re right, you are too much for me to handle.”

  I headed to the driver’s door and opened it. Once inside, I reached for my seat belt to strap myself in. Roc bent down to look into the window.

  “Somehow, I feel as if I got snubbed.” He pulled the wet wife beater away from his chest and wiped some of the sweat from his face. “I’ve been out here sweatin’ and slavin’ like a Hebrew slave for you and this is how you treat me? I see you got ghost when I told you my age, but if I told you I was thirty-one would you believe me? Better yet, would it make a difference?”

  I couldn’t help but smile at his attempts, and they definitely required a response. “No, it wouldn’t make a difference.”

  “Why? ’Cause you lied about yo’ age? You know damn well you ain’t no forty. Thirty, maybe, not forty.”

  “I have no reason to lie to you, and if I had time, I’d show you my driver’s license. I don’t, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Now, if you don’t mind, I really need to get going.”

  “Can’t say I didn’t try,” he said, shrugging and backing away from the car so I could drive off. I did just that, but couldn’t help but take another look at him in my rearview mirror. I licked my bottom lip, biting into it.

  Damn, I thought. If he were only ten . . . fifteen years older.

  Chapter Two

  Latrel was coming home for the weekend, and as usual, Reggie and I had been arguing over where Latrel would stay. After our divorce, Reggie had to give up our three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch-style home that we’d stayed in for years. Latrel had a decked-out bedroom in the basement, so it only made sense that he would agree to stay with me. The decision was his, but when he opted to stay with his father at his condo in Lake St. Louis by the lake, I got upset.

  “You don’t love me, do you?” I asked with the phone pressed up to my ear.

  “Mama, you know that ain’t fair. I love you . . . a lot, but I want to check out Dad’s new place by the lake. You and me gon’ hook up. Besides, I want you to meet my new girlfriend.”

  “Girlfriend? That was quick, and shouldn’t you be focusing on school and your basketball career?”

  “Trust me, I am. I get lonely sometimes, Mama, and Tracie kind of been there for me.”

  My heart softened at the thought of him feeling alone. I definitely knew how that felt. “What time will you be here and where is Tracie going to stay?”

  “I’ll be there around noon and Tracie is staying with me. I already talked to Dad about it and he said it was cool.”
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br />   “Oh, really? No wonder you don’t want to stay with me. You knew darn well I wasn’t going for it. If Tracie is coming with you, during the night she can either stay with me or get a room at a hotel.”

  “That don’t make any sense. I already told you I talked to Dad about it and he cool. Why you over there trippin’?”

  I was at work so I definitely had to keep my cool. Latrel and Reggie were always going behind my back making unjust decisions and it drove me crazy. “I’m calling your father tonight and we’re going to discuss this. In the meantime, you’d better start making reservations at a hotel or leave Tracie in her dorm room.”

  “This is crazy, Mama. Are you saying that you don’t trust me?”

  I slammed my hand on my desk and pulled the phone slightly away from my ear. Once I was calm, I continued my conversation. “Tell me something, Latrel. Are you a virgin?”

  “No. But what that got to do with it?”

  “Strike one. Do you always use condoms?”

  “S—sometimes. Mostly—”

  “Strike two. Does Tracie take birth control pills?”

  “I—I guess. I assume—”

  “Strike three, my dear, and you’re out! No, I do not trust you and—and at what age did you lose your virginity? This is something completely new to me, but I’m sure your father knows all about it.”

  I could hear Latrel sigh over the phone. “Huff and puff all you want to,” I said. My feelings were hurt and my eyes started to water. I felt so excluded from his life and it hurt like hell. “I have to go. Mr. Wright is calling me.”

  “Mama, please don’t be upset with me. I can tell you’re upset, but just know that I do my best. I ain’t perfect, all right? I didn’t tell you about my first time ‘cause I was confused about what I was going through and I thought I was in love.”

  “But you felt comfortable enough to tell your father?”

  “I didn’t tell him until much, much later. And that’s because he asked me. You never asked me until today. Today is when I told you the truth.”

  I swallowed hard, wiping the tear that had fallen down my cheek. I hadn’t had those kinds of conversations with Latrel and shame on me for putting all of the blame on him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you and I look forward to meeting your girlfriend.”

  “Love you too, Mama. See ya tomorrow.”

  I slowly laid the phone on the receiver and got back to work. Thank God it was Friday.

  It was almost noon and I was making lunch in the kitchen while running my mouth on the phone with my girlfriend, Monica. We’d been friends for as long as I could remember and whenever I was up, so was she. Whenever I was down, she was down too—vice versa. Monica had never been married and she loved to live the single life. She had two children, one who was in his second year of college and a daughter who recently moved to California to pursue her acting career. Monica had done a good job raising her children as a single parent, but she was never pleased with their choices. She sounded a lot like me, and as I sat at the kitchen table with the phone pressed up to my ear, we cracked up when she called her daughter Jade a joke.

  “Now, that’s not nice, Monica. That girl is doing her best and you should be proud of her.”

  “Oh, I’m very proud. But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been working my nerves. That girl is rotten to the core and I don’t know how she thinks she’s going to gain her independence by moving to California.”

  “Well, just give her a chance, Monica. And you have no one but yourself to blame for spoiling those kids as much as you have.”

  “I couldn’t agree with you more. Some parents are crushed when their children leave the nest, but for me, girl, I’ve been on cloud nine. You know I’ve been traveling and just getting out of this house that I’ve been cooped up in for so long makes me feel like a new woman. You should get your butt out of the house sometimes too. Life is too short and you’ve got to let your hair down and cut loose.”

  “Eventually, I will. I’m just so out of touch. Being with Reggie for all of those years was all I knew.”

  “I understand that, but Reggie isn’t coming back no time soon. You need to go out and meet people. Every time you go somewhere you got men flocking all around you, but it’s as if you look straight through them.”

  “I know, and at times I’m a little confused by that. I’m not what society considers a fit woman, and even though Reggie never complained about my weight, I do think he wanted me to lose weight.”

  “Are you crazy? To hell with society and there is no doubt in my mind that Reggie was satisfied with your looks all the way ’round. Y’all just had other issues. You are blessed with the curves that every woman should have, especially black women. I envy you and don’t you be over there trying to cut back on nothing. If you lose one single pound, I’ll hurt you.”

  I laughed, knowing my best friend was right. My divorce from Reggie was about him not being able to get it together, not me.

  “Okay, Monica, you got a point. I’m cool with my looks, but sometimes surprised by the attention I get.”

  “I’m glad you got my point, and as long as you keep that big ole booty in shape and that waistline perfected, you shouldn’t have no problems meeting men.”

  “So, to hell with my brains, huh? Forget that I’m a wonderful woman who—”

  “Yes, to hell with that, for now. Men aren’t interested in those kinds of things, until they get to know you. Just make sure the inside, though, looks just as good as the outside.”

  We laughed, but agreed. Monica continued on, trying to convince me to stop staying cooped up in the house. I got up from the table to get a glass of water from the fridge.

  “Where am I supposed to go?” I asked. “To a nightclub or something with you? Hell, I can’t even remember how to dance and I wouldn’t know what the latest dance was if somebody paid me to know.”

  “It’s called the stanky leg.”

  I frowned and couldn’t believe what she’d said. “Stanky what?”

  “Stanky l-e-g.”

  “Not interested at all. If I had to dance at a club, I would probably embarrass the hell out of both of us. All I know how to do is snap my fingers and move side to side. That’s as stanky as I’m gon’ get.” I did my side-to-side dance in the kitchen, just to make sure I still had it.

  “Quit popping your fingers and think about going out with me tonight. Trust me, you’ll have fun. Besides, by then Latrel will be with his father and you’ll be sitting at home reading a book. How boring.”

  I told Monica I would think about it, and just as I was taking the homemade pepperoni pizza out of the oven, I heard the front door open. I stood with a big bright smile plastered on my face and waited for Latrel to make his way to the Italian aroma in the kitchen. When he stepped into the kitchen, as expected he was not alone. Reggie was with him and so was a young white girl. I was frozen in time. My smile vanished and my body felt as if cement had been poured over it. Monica was still running her mouth, and when she yelled my name, I snapped out of it.

  “Girl, what’s wrong with you?” she yelled. “Didn’t you hear me?”

  “I—I got to go. I think I’ve seen a ghost.”

  I hung up on Monica and wiped my saucy red hands on my apron. Latrel was so taken aback by my comment that he took Tracie’s hand and left the room. Reggie’s self-righteous butt looked at me with a forehead full of lined wrinkles.

  “You were way, way out of line. You need to go and apologize to your son and his girlfriend right now.”

  I ignored his demand, untying the apron from behind me. “A white girl,” I mumbled. “No he didn’t.”

  Reggie cleared his throat. I didn’t have time to encourage my thoughts of how good he was looking. His strong masculine cologne lit up the kitchen and he was always dressed at his best in casual attire. He rocked a peach polo shirt, a pair of off-white linen pants, and leather sandals. The Polo belt around his waist tucked him in nice and neat and his forty-one-year-old cut
body was doing him major justice. Latrel looked a lot like his father, but was much, much taller. Reggie was bald, but kept his head clean-shaven. They both sported goatees, but Latrel had a head full of dark brown waves. And the only things that Latrel had inherited from me were my light-colored skin and almond-shaped eyes with upswept lifts at the corners.

  “Hello to you too, Reggie,” I said, washing my hands. “I didn’t know you were coming with them.”

  “I wanted to call and tell you, but you know how our conversations can get at times. I’m not going there with you today, and for the last time, somebody may be in need of an apology.”

  I put my hand on my hip, giving my lips a slight toot. “And if not? What’s going to happen?”

  “Nothing,” he said, walking away. “Nothing at all.”

  Reggie yelled for Latrel and Tracie to come upstairs. They did and he suggested that they all leave. Latrel gazed at me, waiting for a response. “I don’t know what to say about you,” he said. “What was all of that for?”

  “You heard your father, Latrel. He’s ready to go. I suggest you don’t get left behind.”

  Latrel turned to Reggie and nodded his head. “I told you about her, didn’t I?”

  “Told him what? How I’d react to your girlfriend? If you knew, then why would you do something like this to me?”

  Latrel stepped into the kitchen and looked down as he stood tall over me. Hurt was in his eyes and I had never seen him appear so serious. “When are you ever gonna back off and let me make my own decisions? I’m a grown-ass man, Mama, and you disrespecting me like some fool on the street you know nothing about.”

  I backed away from my son’s aggressiveness. “Go, do you, Latrel. You have my blessings, along with my sympathy.”

  He shot me a mean mug and flipped the pizza tray off the marble-topped island. The pizza hit the floor and splattered on the hardwood. “I don’t need your blessings or your sympathy,” he yelled. “To hell wit it!”

  Reggie stepped forward and put his hand on Latrel’s heaving chest. Reggie then ordered him and Blue Eyes to the car and they left. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and squatted down to clean up Latrel’s mess. My head stayed dropped, as I didn’t want Reggie to see the pain in my eyes from the hurt I’d just endured, compliments of his son.