How Can I Be Down? Read online

  I kissed her on the lips to shush her, then dropped her legs to the floor. As I slowed things down, she smiled and started moving her body to a slower motion with mine. Getting into the rhythm, I leaned my sweaty face down next to her and whispered in her ear, “Why you tight like this?”

  “Beeecaaaause,” she strained like I was still hurting her.

  “Because why?”

  “Because I’ve been waiting on you to come satisfy me with this amazing dick you got, that’s why.”

  I sped up the pace as I felt her body responding. “How long have you waited for this?”

  “Too long,” she moaned as a tear fell from her eyes. “So long, I’m embarrassed to tell you.”

  A few moments later, Ginger screamed and finally came. I still had something left in me, so I rolled her over on top and swayed my hand from one breast to the other. Feeling how hard I was, she tried to ease off me but I wouldn’t let her. I held her hips and helped her move to a rhythm I was comfortable with. And after a nice long ride together, we were both exhausted.

  Ginger dropped her head down on my chest and let out a sigh. “Kiley, you can’t be coming over here getting down with me like this and expect me not to have any feelings for you. This is crazy and you know it.”

  “I know. And I appreciate you taking care of my needs, but I have some other things I need to work out right now. I’m only being honest with you when I tell you that I don’t have time for a serious relationship.”

  “So, what do you want from me? Do you want me to just be here for you when you need somebody to screw?”

  “No, I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is I can’t give you what you want. I’m too confused. If anything, I don’t want you in the middle of this mess between Jada and me. Last time, you were the one who got hurt and I don’t want to do that to you again.”

  Ginger let out a deep sigh. “Well, I guess I need to decide if I want more from you than just sex. But sexually, you’re extremely good. Question is, is it ‘good’ enough for me to forget about all the other qualities I want in a man?”

  Ginger lay silent for a while, then rose up off me. She went into the bathroom and closed the door. I moved over to the couch, lit a joint, and used my cell phone to call home. When no one answered, I called Kareem on his cell phone.

  “Yeah,” he said, answering with an attitude.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all. Just feeling like a million dollars after dumping a nigga’s body in the river.”

  My heart dropped. “Did he . . . ?”

  He laughed. “Naw, fool. He’s at the hospital though. They said he lost a lot of blood so they kept him.”

  “Why do you play so much, Kareem? You need to stop that shit, especially at a time like this.”

  “Fuck you, man! I’m trying to put some humor to all this bullshit that’s been going on with you. You my damn blood and you keeping too much shit from me. I don’t like it one damn bit!”

  “I know and understand how you feel. So, calm down. I’ll be home tonight and we can talk then. Is everything else cool?”

  “Yeah, so far. Quincy and me been kind of wondering what’s going with you.”

  “Well, I’ll be there tonight. And I got a surprise for you brothas.”

  “What? I hope it’s some twat. Since you scared our booty away earlier, ain’t no telling when them bitches coming back this way again.”

  “Naw, it’s better than twat.”

  “Only thing better than twat is money. And I’m not overly thrilled by something I already got.”

  “Oh, trust me, you will be thrilled. I’ll see ya later. Peace.”

  “Deuces.” Kareem hung up.

  When Ginger got out of the shower, I asked her if I could take Desmon home with me. She fussed about it for a while, saying that she was worried about my sudden change; but when I reminded her how much she’d been coming down on me for not spending time with him, she agreed to let him go with me.

  At eight o’clock, I woke Desmon up and put on his brown suede jacket and pants Ginger bought him at the flea market. She put on his tan boppy hat and boots, and when I tilted his hat to the side, she smacked my hand and put it on his head straight. “He ain’t no thug, Kiley.”

  I turned his hat back to the side. “I didn’t say he was. He just looks more like me when it’s that way, so leave it alone.”

  Ginger kissed Desmon at the door and hugged him like she was never going to see him again. Her eyes even watered as we walked to the car waving at her. I buckled him up tight in the back seat, and after four years, my brothas were about to see what had really been keeping me on the right track more than anything.

  CHAPTER 7

  I stopped by the grocery store on Gravois and bought Desmon some chocolate ice cream before we headed home. For a four-year-old he was awfully quiet, and when I tried to make conversation with him, he didn’t say much. I couldn’t complain because I was quiet my damn self as a kid. Just kind of observed things a lot and was a fast learner.

  When we pulled into the garage and got out of the car, Quincy opened the back door for us. He was trying to fry some chicken in some fishy-smelling leftover grease on the stove while Veronica sat at the kitchen table and watched. When Quincy saw Desmon, he moved the skillet off the fire and looked down at him. Desmon took his hat off and held it in his hand as I stood behind him with my hand on his shoulder.

  “What’s up, playa?” Quincy said, holding his hand out for Desmon to give him five. Desmon smiled and slapped Quincy’s hand. “What’s your name?”

  “Desmon Jermaine Abrams,” he said softly.

  Quincy looked puzzled and scratched his head. “Aw, that’s a cool name.”

  I massaged Desmon on his shoulders then looked at Quincy. “Where’s Kareem?”

  “He upstairs taking a nap. He told me to wake him up when you got here. But, uh, you babysitting for one of your ladies or something?”

  “Naw, nothing like that.” I looked at Veronica and put my hand out to shake hers. “Hey, sorry. I don’t want to be rude but how you doing?”

  “I’m fine, Kiley, and how about yourself?”

  “Cool. Couldn’t be better.”

  “That’s good. And your son looks just like you. He is really adorable.”

  Quincy cocked his head back, then frowned at Veronica. “Woman, that ain’t his son.” He took a double look at Desmon then gazed at me. “Is he?”

  “Meet me upstairs in about five minutes; I got something I need to holla at you about.” I turned to Veronica again. “Nice seeing you, Veronica, take care and do yourself a favor: don’t eat that shit he’s cooking. Smells horrible, wouldn’t you say?”

  She laughed, and Desmon and me headed upstairs to Kareem’s room. When I knocked on his door, I yelled for him to meet me upstairs in five minutes.

  Desmon ran straight to the pinball machines as I sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV. I called Ginger to let her know we’d made it home so she wouldn’t worry. As I hung up, Kareem and Quincy were coming up the steps.

  Kareem glanced at Desmon playing the pinball machines then plopped down on the couch. “What, you babysitting for women now?” he asked. Desmon turned his head and looked at Kareem as he talked. Kareem stared at him with confusion on his face. “Man, don’t tell me. That . . . that kid looks like you. More so, like me.”

  “Okay, if you don’t want me to tell you then I won’t, but, yes, that’s my son.”

  “Get the fuck out of here,” Kareem said with his mouth wide open. “When did this shit take place?”

  “I know, man, please help my ass understand. Is he from L.A.?” Quincy asked.

  “Nope. Born and raised in East St. Louis. Right when we moved here I met this chick named Ginger. Hit that a few times, and bam!” I pointed to Desmon. “That’s what came of it. So, my Saturday runs have been all about going to see him. When Jada followed me the other day, she thought I was kicking it with another female, when in reality I was
with Desmon.”

  “So, you kept my nephew a secret all this time because you didn’t want that bitch Jada to know?” Kareem yelled.

  “Man, take your hand off your chest and chill. I was just trying to keep peace in my relationship. Eventually I was going to tell everybody, but the timing was never right, so I waited.”

  “Waited for what? He ain’t no baby or nothing, Kiley. As much as Daddy taught us about the importance of family, I’m quite disappointed in you, big brother.”

  “Yeah, man,” Quincy said. “No matter what, you should have told us.”

  “You niggas starting to sound like Ginger. I don’t feel good about keeping him a secret, but my biggest concern was just being there for him.” I called for Desmon to come over by us, as he seemed to be occupied playing with the pinball machine. He stood in front of me, looking shy with his finger in his mouth. I turned him around facing Quincy and Kareem. “Desmon, these are your uncles, Kareem and Quincy. If you need anything, and I mean anything, these are the fellas you need to see if I’m not around, all right?”

  Desmon nodded.

  “And as long as you stick with me,” Kareem said, moving over next to him, “I’ll teach you everything you need to know about—”

  “Man, don’t start, all right? Too early for him to be learning the game,” I interrupted.

  “Too early? I was talking about teaching him how to play video games.”

  “Bullshit, man.” Quincy laughed. “But, Desmon, if you really want to be a genius, I’m the man who can teach you, all right? Kareem can teach you how to be a playa, that’s it.”

  Desmon smiled at both of them and went back over to the pinball machine.

  Kareem put a pillow under his head and lay back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. “I apologize for what I said, Kiley, but I thought I would be the first one to have a kid.” He lifted his head up. “Let me clear that up—a son. Not a daughter, but a son.” He laid his head back down on the pillow, then folded his hands together. “I’m proud of you, though, just hope you never put pussy before parenting again.”

  I leaned back on the couch and spread my arms out over the top. “Never. It was stupid of me to do it to begin with but now that it’s out in the open, I feel so much better. Ginger is going to have a fit, but I would like for him to live here with us.”

  Quincy took his bandana off and scratched his head. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean, right now, things kinda shaky. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “Yeah, but you can’t have better protection than what you have in this room right now. Ain’t nothing going to happen to him as long as I’m around.”

  Kareem turned on his side and looked down at the floor. “Don’t let him move in with us just yet, Kiley. Wait until some of this bullshit clears the air. More than anything, I’d hate to have him around if something bad goes down like it did between you and Donovan. Anyway, why did you shoot that fool? I knew there was a bunch of animosity stirring between y’all, but damn, was it necessary?”

  “Muh-fucker slept with Jada behind my back. Then had the nerve to remove shit from this house and take it to her. Honestly, if she was here when I found out, I would have killed her ass, no doubt about it.”

  Quincy started shaking his head. “Now that’s some foul shit. I would have shot his ass too. He deserved to die, knowing how tight you and Jada were.”

  “Don’t go putting all the blame on Donovan,” Kareem said, sitting up. “Now, by all means, that nigga was wrong. But that dick sucking ho was at fault just as much as he was. I wish you would have shot that . . . All I can say is I hate that bitch, Kiley. More than anybody on this fucking earth. If you ever get back with her ass I’m disowning you.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t. A part of me hates her too, especially after everything I did for her.” I put my hands on my face and massaged my beard. “Listen, what hospital did y’all take Donovan to?”

  “Barnes Hospital on Kingshighway. Why?” Kareem asked.

  “’Cause I guess I’d better go make sure he’s okay, huh?”

  “Man, fuck that nigga,” Quincy said. “He deserved what he got.”

  “I agree, but he still my boy. And because I refuse to let pussy overtake partna, I think I’d better go.”

  “Suit yourself,” Kareem said. “I’m staying my black ass right here.”

  “Me too. If you wanna go, you go alone. Besides, I got Veronica waiting downstairs for me to finish up this scrumptious dinner I’m cooking.”

  “I thought you wasn’t interested in Veronica,” I said.

  “I never told you I wasn’t interested. I told you if you wanted to holler, then go ahead and do so. Since you didn’t make a move, I invited her over because I was bored. So, tell me now. Are you interested or not?”

  I shook my head. “Naw. Knock yourself out. All this going behind each other bullshit is going to get somebody seriously hurt. Being a snake doesn’t fit well into my vocabulary.”

  “Okay, don’t say I didn’t offer. And as far as I’m concerned, snake or not, if you see something you like, have at it. The only reason Donovan fucked up is because he knew the severity of yo’ relationship with Jada. Me, there would be no love lost.”

  I stood up, and when I called for Desmon to come with me, Kareem told me to leave him there with him and Quincy. Said he wasn’t too cool about his nephew going to see a traitor. I hugged Desmon and told the fellas I’d be back as soon as possible.

  When I got to the hospital, the nurse told me Donovan had just gotten out of surgery. Since she said it would be a short while before they set him up in a room, I went to go take a seat in the waiting room. As I opened the door, I saw Tricia sitting in a chair with her arms folded, while looking up at the TV on the wall. Curious to find out how much she knew about the incident, I eased over in the chair next to her. She quickly turned around.

  “Hey, Kiley,” she said, hugging me. “I was wondering when y’all were going to show up.”

  “Yeah, uh, Kareem and Quincy were the ones who brought him here. They had to leave to go take care of something for me. I came as fast as I could.”

  “Well, I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here.”

  “So, have you had a chance to see him yet?”

  “Yes, after Kareem called and told me what happened, I got here just in time for his surgery. He was kind of out of it but he was glad to see me.”

  “I see,” I said, rubbing my head. “So Kareem was the one who called and told you what happened?”

  “Yes. He called me when him and Quincy were leaving the hospital. Told me Donovan accidentally shot himself in the shoulder.”

  I sighed with relief. “I yelled at Don all the time for playing around with his gun. I knew some shit like this was going to happen.”

  “I know. He takes that damn thing everywhere he goes. Scares the hell out of me. But in the shoulder, that’s a difficult spot to shoot yourself, don’t you think?”

  “Kinda. But who knows how it happened? I’m sure Donovan will tell us all about it.”

  Tricia and me continued talking as we waited for Donovan to get set up in a room. I paced the floors for a while, thinking about how I had to see him first before anybody started asking questions. Kareem seemed to be ahead of the game more than me, so I decided on sticking with the same damn story. Hopefully, upset or not, Donovan would agree to it and this mess between us would be over.

  As I stood at the vending machine getting Tricia and me a soda, I saw Candi walking up to the nurse’s station. I was sure she was looking for Donovan, so I rushed through the doors to talk to her before Tricia saw her.

  “What’s up, Candi,” I said, walking toward her.

  “Hi, Kiley. Kareem said you’d be here. How’s Donovan?”

  “He cool,” I said, moving in another direction. “So, you talked to Kareem?”

  “Yeah, I did. I called for Donovan and Kareem told me what happened. He also told me I could find you here so I came as fast as I
could.” She smiled, turned around, and started toward the waiting room. When she walked in, Tricia turned around in her chair and checked Candi out from head to toe. I gave Tricia her soda, and when I sat down next to her, Candi sat in the chair next to me.

  I leaned back in my chair and introduced them so they could speak to one another. Tricia held her hand out for Candi to shake it. “Hi, Candi. I’m Donovan’s girlfriend.”

  Candi shook her hand. “Hello, Tricia. I’m a good friend of Donovan’s.”

  Tricia eased her hand away from Candi’s and looked at me. I stared up at the TV and didn’t say a word.

  A few minutes later, Candi stood up and went over to the vending machine to get a soda. Tricia whispered to me asking what kind of friend Candi was to Donovan. I shrugged and said she was just a friend. Feeling uncomfortable, I got up and went to the restroom to call Kareem and curse him out for trying to cause trouble. When he answered the phone he was laughing, because I’m sure he was waiting on my call.

  “Why you playing games, Kareem?”

  “What? Nigga, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do. You were hoping these two would be up in here scrappin’, weren’t you?”

  “Man, look. Candi called looking for Donovan and I told her where she could find him. I just didn’t want you being at the hospital all alone, that’s all.”

  “Whatever. Where’s Desmon?”

  “He’s in my room with me listening to some music. I’m teaching him how to dance.”

  “Nigga, you can’t dance. Don’t be teaching him to make a damn spectacle of himself.”

  “Naw, actually, he’s teaching me how to dance. He don’t talk too much but he sure know how to dance. Doesn’t surprise me, since he’s family and all.”

  “You just don’t get enough, do you? Where’s Quincy? Is Veronica still there?”

  “Naw, she gone. After we all choked on that greasy nasty-ass chicken he fried, she left.”

  “You didn’t feed any of that shit to Desmon, did you?”

  “Nope, he had sense. After one look at it, he turned it down.”