How Can I Be Down? Read online

  Kareem and me joked around in the car all the way to Ginger’s house. When we pulled up in front of her apartment, he looked at me like I was crazy pulling up to what looked to be the projects from the outside. Desmon had fallen asleep, so I picked him up to carry him inside. I had to beg Kareem to come inside to meet Ginger. He hopped out of the car, complaining about the hood his nephew was living in. When I told him not to judge a book by its cover, as usual, he disagreed.

  Ginger opened the door with a hot-pink silk short robe on, and from the clear sight of her breasts showing, I was sure she was wearing nothing underneath. When she saw Kareem leaning against the door next to me, she grabbed her belt and tightened it.

  She opened the door wider so we could come in. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were coming by yourself, Kiley.”

  I stood with Desmon hugging me around my neck, still sleeping, and introduced Ginger to Kareem. After they spoke, I told Kareem to follow me to Desmon’s room so he could see how laid out it was. I put Desmon down in his bed and Kareem looked around the room with his hands in his pockets checking it out.

  “Now, this is nice. A sports car for a bed. I wish I had some shit like this when I was four. All I remember was cracked walls, spider webs, the smell of your funky dirty socks, and roaches.”

  “You’re silly. And those were your dirty-ass socks and you know it. Funny, though, how kids these days just don’t know how good they got it.”

  As I pulled the cover over Desmon and kissed him, Kareem tapped me on the shoulder, whispering, “Say, what’s up with Ginger? She pretty tight.”

  “She cool.”

  “Cool, huh? That’s all you see is coolness?”

  “Evidentially I see more than that if we have a child together.”

  “Right, right. But you act like her bootifulness don’t even faze you. And there’s no way you’re going to expect me to believe you’ve been over here almost every weekend for the past several years and never tapped into that while you were with Jada.”

  I leaned down, kissed Desmon again, and turned his nightlight on. I turned the light switch off as Kareem stood waiting for a response. “Come on, let’s go. I’m running late as it is.”

  He headed toward me and bumped me on the way out of the door. “You ain’t right. I think you’ve been keeping some serious secrets from my ass.”

  I smiled and smacked him on the back of his head.

  When we went back into the living room, Ginger was sitting on the couch reading with an unlit cigarette in her hand. Kareem eased his way into a chair, so I sat down on the couch next to her for a brief moment.

  “So, how was Desmon?” she asked, lighting the cigarette, setting the book down on the table.

  “That’s a dumb question. He was perfect. Just like his daddy. Would you expect me to say anything different?”

  “Well, he ain’t perfect when he’s with me. He just hasn’t gotten used to being with you yet. Trust me; the more time you spend with him, things are definitely going to change.”

  “Thanks for letting me keep him. I’ll be back next weekend to pick him up, if you don’t mind.”

  “You know he spends the first weekend of the month with my mother. The weekend after that will be cool.”

  “I forgot.” I stood up and so did Kareem. “We getting ready to jet. I’ll call you later in the week, okay?”

  Ginger’s face fell flat and she looked disappointed. “That’s fine. I was hoping you would stay the night, though.”

  I glanced at Kareem and he smiled. I looked back at Ginger. “Sorry, but, uh, I made some other plans. I’ll call you later, I promise.”

  “Kiley, don’t go making promises you ain’t prepared to keep. That’s how I got myself in this fucked-up situation with you to begin with,” she said, bending down, and putting her cigarette out in an ashtray.

  I sighed. “Ginger, not right now.”

  “Then when, Kiley?” She looked over at Kareem. “You know your brother is something else. Why is he so difficult, Kareem? Maybe you can help me figure him out because I sure in the hell can’t.”

  “Hey, I’ve known him all my life and still can’t figure him out myself. I was hoping you could shed some light on the brotha so I can learn something I don’t know.”

  I looked at both of them. “Just let me be me. Come on, man, let’s go. Ginger, I said I’ll holla.” I went to the door and opened it.

  After Kareem said good-bye to Ginger and walked out, I closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry I can’t stay. You should have told me earlier when I talked to you that you made plans for us,” I said, knowing that the smell of food was in the air and the kitchen table was set for two with a bottle of wine.

  “I guess you figured I cooked dinner for you?”

  “Yeah, I looked in the kitchen.” I leaned down and kissed her. “Just be patient with me, I’ll make it up to you later.”

  Ginger moved in closer and backed me up against the door. As we kissed, she untied her robe and opened it. I rubbed my hand up and down her silky, smooth body and just for the hell of it, got a quick taste of her breasts. As she felt my dick harden, she begged me to stay. Wanting to, I just couldn’t. I stopped as we were in motion and reminded her Kareem was in the car waiting for me.

  As she continued to coax me into staying, I hesitated, and finally said, “Baby, let me go take care of something and I’ll come back tonight. It’ll be late but I’ll be back.” I opened the door.

  “I hope not too late. I’ll wait for you, and please call when you’re on your way.” I nodded and she closed the door behind me.

  As I walked toward the car, I could see Kareem grinning ear to ear. When I got in I looked over at him while shutting the door. “What?” I smiled.

  “What, huh? You’re a good lying muh-fucker, that’s what.”

  I started the car. “Nigga, what are you talking about? I ain’t lied about nothing.”

  “So, you and Ginger weren’t just in there exercising y’all lips, huh?”

  “No, as a matter of fact, we weren’t. She asked me for some money for Desmon and I gave it to her.”

  “Really?” he said, reaching over and wiping my lips. “Well, she must have asked you to try on some lipstick because it seems to be all over your lips.”

  I smacked Kareem’s hand off my lips and looked in the rearview mirror. When I saw her lipstick, I wiped the rest of it off. “I told you she be coming on to me sometimes, damn. She be trippin’ when I don’t want to stay.”

  “Kiley, when you gon’ stop lying to me about shit? What type of fool do you really think I am? She ain’t cooking for you, trying to wine and dine you, and you ain’t fucking her. That don’t make sense and you know it. Thing is, you know everything about me. I tell you all kinds of personal shit. But when it comes to you, you be treating me like I’m some poot-butt nigga off the streets who you don’t want up in your business. I seriously thought we had a better relationship than that.”

  “And we do. I’m . . . just real private, always been that way. Even more since what went down in L.A. For one, my privacy keeps me from being judged and allows me not to get bad advice from people. So, with that being said, I’ll be honest with you this time and tell you that I just recently had sex with Ginger after Jada and me broke up. Before that, I haven’t fucked Ginger since she told me she was pregnant with Desmon.”

  Kareem cocked his head back and pursed his lips. “Now, you really expect me to believe that? You’ve been coming over here, weekend after weekend, looking at that . . . that plump, juicy brown-skinned ass and those succulent tits and haven’t wanted to dive into it?”

  “No, I haven’t. But remember, it’s all in the mind, Kareem. That’s all you see when you look at her. That’s what I saw when I first met her and wanted to fuck her. Now, since I’ve gotten to know her better, I see many things I don’t like about her. So that sexy-ass body doesn’t faze me like it used to. Truthfully, the only time I pay attention to that is when my dick is hard and I’m i
n the mood to fuck. Since Jada was taking care of me before, there was no need for me to come over here thinking about laying her. Lately, though, things have changed. I’m starting to see a change in Ginger so who knows what the future holds.”

  “Well, I sure in the hell be glad when somebody put it on me like Jada put it on you. That ass must be worth more than fifty pots of gold. If it got you turning down shit like Candi, Ginger, and who knows what else, I can’t wait until I’m smacked in the face with that kind of feeling.”

  “It’s not the feeling of sex, my brotha; it’s the feeling of love. Now, the sex is what kept me, but love is the ultimate thing that kept me focused.”

  “Okay, conversation over; love is out for me. I love myself too damn much, I don’t even have room in my heart to love anybody else.”

  I punched him in his chest. “Not even me, playa?”

  He punched me back. “Just a li’l sliver in the corner of it. That’s it. And you should be lucky to have that.” We laughed.

  By the time I dropped Kareem off, it was almost eight-thirty. He said he was going in the house to invite one of the ladies he met today over and he’d see me when I got back. I hated to lie to Kareem about my whereabouts, but it would hurt him like hell if I told him about my plans with Jada.

  CHAPTER 9

  After scrambling for a parking spot at the hotel, I sat in the car for a few minutes thinking. If pussy was what I wanted, I could easily call Ginger or Candi up tonight for that. If reconciliation was what I wanted, I had no business reconciling with Jada and I knew it. And if peace of mind was what I went there for, I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to get it. But something inside of me just wouldn’t let me leave.

  I hopped out of the car and went to her room. When I knocked on the door, she opened it and walked away. I locked it and leaned against the dresser looking at her sitting on the bed with attitude. It was after nine o’clock, so I tried to understand why she was upset.

  “I apologize for being late. The movie took a li’l bit longer than I expected.”

  “And I guess you’re going to apologize for hanging up on me, too. I could tell that bitch was in the car with you by the way you were talking.”

  “Jada, the only other person besides Desmon who was in the car with me was Kareem.”

  “Yeah, right. If you’ve moved on with your life then fine, go right ahead. I just want you to know how much hurt you’ve caused me,” she said, starting to tear up. “I thought we were going to be together forever. I never knew it would come to you choosing someone else over me.”

  “Why do you feel as if I’m choosing somebody else over you? This has nothing to do with anybody else. When are you going to come to your senses and see that?”

  “When you stop fighting with me and allow us to be together again. If there is no one else, then what’s holding you back? We’ve had many ups and downs, especially while we were in L.A., but we always managed to get through it. We had each other after your parents died, when my father died, when you wanted to drop out of school, when I wanted to; we’ve always had each other to lean on. Why does that all have to change?”

  “Because, Jada, it does.” I went over to the bed and sat down next to her. I held her face with my hand and rubbed her soft cheek. “Do you even know how much you hurt me by sleeping with Donovan? I feel less of a man right now, because you stripped me of my pride. Made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Now, I came clean to you a long time ago about my wrongdoings in L.A. but you never told me about you and Donovan. When I kept asking you what was wrong, you knew your attitude at the house reflected your feelings for him. You can’t tell me listening to him fuck other women didn’t the least bit bother you.”

  “It didn’t, Kiley. I swear to you my sleeping with him was all about making you jealous.”

  “I will never believe that. I truly feel at some point you cared about him. Maybe not as much as you cared about me, but your feelings for him almost stopped you from moving here to begin with.”

  “You’re wrong, baby. I lied in those letters I wrote to Donovan. I just knew he was going to show them to you to make you jealous, right along with those pictures.”

  “Well, he didn’t. I found out by searching through his things, so whatever, Jada.” I got up off the bed as a felt myself getting upset thinking about the shit. “Look, I’m done with talking about the shit. You don’t believe me, I don’t believe you, so forget it.”

  “If you wanted to forget it, why did you come here? Why would you waste your time coming all this way to tell me to forget about us?”

  I paused for a moment and swallowed before saying anything. “Because you . . . you know I still love you. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t, but I can’t forget about what you’ve done to me. I guess I’m here to find out what you expect from me.”

  Jada came over to me standing by the window and looked me in the eyes. When I turned my head to look away, she grabbed my face and turned it so I could look back at her. “I expect for you to finish what you started today. I want more than anything for you to put the past behind us, and if possible, I want the bedroom I shared with you back. I’m getting kind of lonely in this hotel room all by myself.”

  She leaned in and placed her lips on mine. I closed my eyes trying to fight back the feelings I had for her but couldn’t. As she reached her hand inside my pants, she massaged my dick like she’d always done so well before. And as I realized there was no turning back for me, I raised her nightgown over her head and removed her ponytail clip so her hair could fall. After I removed the rest of my clothes, she took my hand and led me to the bathroom. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and we stood naked, looking at ourselves in the mirror. She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, while rubbing the back of my head. I touched her soft, thick breasts, then lowered my hand and combed through her hairs with my fingers. She smiled and looked at me in the mirror.

  “I love you so much. The thought of losing you just tore me apart,” she moaned, as I separated her slit with my thick fingers.

  Exciting the hell out of her, I went in deeper with my fingers. She moved back, pressing her ass against me, while holding on to the counter. And just when I finally heard her insides starting to talk, I pulled my fingers out and teased her from behind with the thickness of my head.

  Moaning, she tried to force me inside her with her hands but I wouldn’t let her. I moved back away from her and went over to the tub. I lay in it and rested one leg over the top. She came over and reached for the faucet. I stopped her.

  “I had no intention of getting wet by the water. I thought you might be able to take care of me without it.”

  “No shower, huh,” she said, getting in the tub on her knees.

  “Not yet.”

  As she slurped me up, I pulled her hair with my hand. Feeling as if I was about to explode, I grabbed tighter. She rose up just in time.

  “Damn, pull my hair out, would you?” She laughed.

  “I’m sorry, just couldn’t help myself.”

  “Well, help yourself to this,” she said, standing over me and resting one leg on top of the tub. I rose up and leaned my face right into it. As her legs weakened, I held them in place with my hand. And when she couldn’t take any more, she bent over and placed both her hands on the floor outside the tub. I got behind Jada and had the pleasure of listening to her beg for forgiveness as I pounded her insides. And when she hiked up on the tip of her toes so I could go in deeper, it was all over with. She warned me and told me she was about to lose her balance, and when she did, we both fell forward onto the floor. She rolled over on her back and I eased in between her legs.

  “I’m sure this floor is not clean enough for me to have my bare body on it. Can we finish this up in bed, please?” she asked politely.

  “Who cares about the floor? That’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

  “Easy for you to say when you’re not the one lying on it.”

  I pull
ed down a few white towels from the towel rail beside us and when Jada lifted up I slid them underneath her. “Is that better?” I asked, easing myself back inside her.

  “You didn’t hear me complaining, did you?”

  I winked. “Naw, I didn’t. Just making sure, though.”

  I kissed her and got down to business. I made sure this night was a night Jada would remember forever. I gave it to her good all over the hotel room, and by the time we were finished she was out like a light.

  I sat up on the edge of the bed, rolled up a joint, and watched TV. Feeling a bit disappointed in myself for loving Jada so much, and for playing the shit out of Ginger, I knew the weed would put me in a mellow mood. I rolled up another joint when I started feeling guilty about lying to Kareem. Curious to see what he was into tonight, I went into the bathroom and called him on my cell phone. Quincy answered.

  “We got some hoes in this house,” he said, singing. “Freaky hoes in this house.”

  “Man, quit playing. What y’all playas up to?”

  “Nothing. Just sitting upstairs getting fucking fucked up!”

  “Yeah, me too. But, uh, who else over there?”

  “Nobody. Just Kareem and me.”

  “I thought you said y’all had some hoes in the house.”

  “Fool, I was talking about Kareem and me. Do you honestly think I would be dissing some females like that if they were sitting right here?”

  “Naw, you’re right. I’m trippin’.”

  “Yeah, you are. Where are you? We thought you would be back by now.”

  “I was coming back but something came up. I’ll be there in a li’l bit though. Did anybody call me?”

  “Hold on, I think so. Kareem was the one who answered so wait a minute.” Quincy put the phone down and Kareem picked it up.

  “Nigga, what do you mean did anybody call you? I ain’t yo damn secretary, fool,” he slurred.

  “Y’all must really be taking it to the limit tonight. Both of y’all sounding like some fifty-year-old drunks. And what happened to all this booty you were supposed to be getting into?”